Jul 26, 2013

|| Waiting ||

photo ownership : http://chrisandkrista.org

We are waiting.
The life we ride is a waiting lane.

We wait to be born,
We wait to learn new words,
We wait to make new friends,
We wait to meet the right one.

We wait to have our babies born,
We wait for them to learn new words,
We wait for them to make new friends,
We wait for them to meet the right one,
We wait for them to have their babies born.

We wait to know what diseases that we have,
Or what accident will we stumble upon,
We wait to know how it will end,
And then, it ends.

After the whole waiting thing, it's blank.
We are what we are while we are waiting.

We get mad, we get excited, and we get wavered,
We shatter, we crumble, and we rise sometimes.

It's okay to be anything, because we are waiting.
We are put into situation where we deserve to react accordingly.

We are waiting and it is not easy.

-May,29th -

Mar 30, 2013

|| We planned the world like it will never end ||

photo courtesy : http://antipodeanlady.co.uk/?attachment_id=1557

You used to be at my side,
At every moment I breathe,
At all and each angle of my sight,
You were never outside the frame,
The frame I drew for you of my eyes.

We planned the world like it will never end,
I promised a dinner before the candle flame,
You said you know the best restaurant,
And you will be there with a purple dress,
Smiling just like when you see me coming at every class.

We planned the world like it will never end,
But it has never getting as beautiful as the world behind,
When you used to be at my side,
 At every moment I breathe,
At all and each angle of my sight.

The first thing in the morning,
The last laugh before the dreamland,
 Do you still remember?
When we ran the same field every day?
When we talked crazy all the time?
When we argued like there’s no one else?
When you happened in front of me?
When planned the world like it will never end?

There are barriers to part us,
There are spaces to space us,
There are jobs to make us ignore,
There is love to let us forget.

If there’s an ending, let it be,
I say it's life,
It will never stop setting people apart,
But we will never stop finding some time,
Because we are friends not only for yesterday,
But for now and forever.

p/s : There’s nothing else more beautiful than having the people you love in front of you, at your sight. There’s nothing beautiful in parting, only emptiness and pain being trapped in every “I miss you”.

Feb 27, 2013

|| Purpose ||

photo courtesy  : http://teranceong.blogspot.com/2011/04/black-and-white-arent-colours-theyre.html

When we talk about purpose, we are looking for a point where an ending have to lay. But it is different with life. There’s no end. And what is the reason? Many. Different man, different reason.

Purpose. Everything lies on the other, and the other lies on the other others, and the list continues. A flower might grow for the bees to collect honey for human. Human get the nutrition, they live; some are gardening, grow the flowers. Oh, sound like a purpose. Yet it’s a lot more than this, it ain’t a simple cycle like this, the chains are more complex.

I wish I would know mine. I wish I could write more about this. I just couldn’t. Not because I am not sure of what I am gonna write, I just don’t wanna confuse anyone. Everybody deserves to have their own purpose, and deserve to be purposeless if they wish. This is pointless. I just need to have this note to help me reminisce later with what I deserve at this point of time. May I will not have Alzheimer so this note will kick something in my mind.

Just watched 50/50, I wish all people and me will not have to have cancers, or any kind of terminal illnesses, or any illnesses, or accidents. I just can’t figure out how to be strong enough. 

‎February ‎25, ‎2013, ‏‎1:31:58 AM

Feb 15, 2013

|| Timeless Tide ||

photo courtesy : http://www.photobotos.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/The-Parting.jpg
Time flies.

Kita mula terpisah dengan masa lalu pada setiap detik masa bergerak. Kita semakin jauh dengan setiap apa yang pernah kita lalui, setiap insan yang pernah kita kenal.

Most of the time, we’ll say “till we meet again” in our goodbyes, to ease the parting but we never realize that we are parting with the moments, and whatever connections we established before, it is vanishing into the cosmos. These aren’t words of hopeless life. These are the truth; which may sound hopeless.

Kita wujud dalam masa sekarang; bukan yang lepas, bukan yang akan datang. Kita cuma wujud sekarang, kerana kita yang lepas adalah kita sekarang pada masa lepas dan kita yang akan datang adalah kita  sekarang pada masa akan datang. Berselirat. Cuma itu hakikat.

We leave home; we never come back as ourselves as before we left. I never have my mom tie my shoes, never wake any of my sisters at midnight for toilet anymore after I left home. We leave teen life, we never have any soul as free, as curious as we had in this life. Ain’t no Peklah to wait and be waited every morning, no more urges and agitations of new day after holiday. And so on. They are all our past, they don’t exist now.

Masa yang sudah disudahkan itu hanya wujud sebab kita punya memori, seni Tuhan yang susah kita fahami. Kalau seni itu tidak wujud, kita tinggal kita sekarang. Sebab seni itu juga kita punya harapan, kita sangka kita tidak tinggalkan semua. Semuanya ibarat sementara. Kita punya akses ke masa yang kita tinggalkan.

But the truth is? None of them are happening again. I see myself leaving those days without proper goodbyes. I embraced the parting without realizing that am losing all the moments. It flies with time; a technical calculation of memories. I left home knowing that am parting with my family, but blinded with the fact that am no longer a kid. I left school with a super sad emotions, cried a river seeing my friends leaving the gate, but the memoirs stopped before I write the facts that the gate was also the separation line of myself with my most lovely soul. And again, so on. Because , nothing lasts, every time we walk out a door, everything is gonna change, and it won’t change back. Not the way it is now. Yes, at least.

Semua ini berbaur hampa dan tengik. Tetapi sebenarnya itulah yang membuat kehidupan manusia indah. Hidup dengan harapan palsu, akses memori yang perit bila dibuka, cuma wujud dalam imaginasi masa sekarang. Kerana masa lepas tidak wujud dan tidak boleh diakses lagi., penuhkan masa sekarang sepenuhnya, bina setiap apa yang kita impikan, supaya bila masa sekarang ini menjadi masa lepas pada masa akan datang, tidak ada apa-apa mahu kita akses kembali; kerana kita tidak sesalkan apa-apa dan kerana di waktu sekarang pada masa akan datang itu, kita layarkan masa itu sepenuhnya juga..

And not to forget: to say a proper goodbye when it past; by appreciating those moments before it diffuse into the air and vanish into the loops of time in the sometimes-hopeless memory. To cherish every moments, to embrace every now.
Feb 14, 3:23am

Jan 12, 2013

|| Memori ||


Berjalan satu orang, berjalan satu diri, 
dipijaknya bumi sejarah, atas bahu mengendong memori,
Di kanan tiada peneman, dikiri diam sepi.

Tuhan ciptakan essence itu penuh eloknya, penuh sakitnya.
Ia indah, ia membunuh jiwa.

This is real. I am leaving. 

When am old, I would like to be able to look back to this youthful period, 
and talk about how it was the best times of my life.


Jan 2, 2013

|| One of Few Endings ||

This ending deserves a record. So I am writing after long for this ending; a beautiful ending, a wonderful journey.

Tiada apa memulakan, suka suka, tidak ada mengharap, sekadar mencuba, kau aku diterima. Mak mulutnya masin, katanya, kalau kau bersusah, biasanya kau dapat. Aku redah banjir lepas balik dari Educamp. Apa yang tidak susah?

It was a bit rough at start,  being in PE, with no one with me. Then, met several other guys, they eased the path. Tapi ini bukan apa yang aku hajatkan. Tapi aku teruskan.

I made a big decision, I chose PG. It transformed my life. A place where I belongs. Until now. I ended as one of the Pioneers of this program. And now. I am leaving.

I always know am leaving. The same feeling overwhelmed me during 2007, struck me again. It feels hard to leave, but this is life,we are moving further into our own path every single second. I always know this is going to happen, but I never be ready for this. I wish this whole thing won't pain me too much. 

I know when I am at home, the first day I wake up or even the next days after, I am gonna miss a lot of thing. A text of a friend inviting me for lunch, a free will of waking up or not to go to class, or whatever! Everything! It's the moment, the scents, the scenes! 

I have a lot to say, I have a lot to remember, I wish I will never forget. I wish I don't have to cry a tear, I wish  it shouldn't be this painful. But, the only reason of this happening is because it is too beautiful, and I don't have any regret choosing this path. 

This is a period that taught me the meaning of life and what's inside, introduced me to my own-self, connecting me to people in a beautiful friendship, and overwhelming with various sensations and lot of other thing.

From start until the end, I met a lot of wonderful people, who shared the laughter, sorrow, pahit, manis. Aku cintakan moments bersama mereka. Aku sematkan nama mereka kemas kemas dalam hati aku, mereka bukan kenangan bagi aku, they will always be a piece of me, accompanying my life until the last breath of mine. Terimakasih Yang Mengatur for giving me this chance. Terima kasih.



Jun 28, 2012

|| Entri ini untuk skans ||

happy birthday.semoga pantas bertemu jodoh

Jun 17, 2012

|| losing the way, losing the numbers ||

it's the time of losing.
if it isn't, it's the time of me feeling like losing.

hmm, dont wanna talk about it.

p/s: aku harap aku ada camera sendiri, tak payah guna gambar orang lagi.

May 23, 2012

|| balik belakang ||


kabur dalam melihat,
kesat dalam bersuara,
hilang dalam pertimbangan.

bayangan aku terhadap aku,
aku lebih menyesakkan daripada hembusan perokok syaitan wijaya,
lagi busuk sama banding lelehan bangkai jasad pendosa,
hilang pekerti macam mereka yang terhasut dengan gagakan amarah,

sedar diri. bayangan itu bukan siapa-siapa. yang memetik metik ini bukan siapa-siapa.tiada nilai.

Apr 25, 2012

|| ending soon ||

Minggu terakhir.

Jangan sudahkan apa yang belum sudah,
Jangan bercakap selagi sebelum sudah,
Sebab kita belum pernah tahu apa-apa sebelum sudah,
Sebab Tuhan bukan kita,
Tuhan tidak sama dengan manusia yang menuhankan diri sendiri,
Yang menyembah kata percaya sendiri,
Bersujud di kaki melipat rukuk menyimpul lutut.

Indah senjanya, tidak sama seperti paginya,
Yang gelap awal-awal, menjingga sampai dalam hati,
Berat hati tapi tak berat kaki,
Semoga, isi-isi masa alam bermasa berisi ada gunanya nanti.

Pintu terbuka, jiwa Nampak gerbang luas syurga,
Syurga dunia, syurga akhirat dia tentukan,
Cinta manusia, cinta dunia, nampak benar, memang benar,
Tapi yang hakiki tetap milikNya.
Seminggu sebelum bermula, seminggu selepas berakhir.

p/s: terimakasih.semua.

|| chat ||