Feb 27, 2013

|| Purpose ||



photo courtesy  : http://teranceong.blogspot.com/2011/04/black-and-white-arent-colours-theyre.html

When we talk about purpose, we are looking for a point where an ending have to lay. But it is different with life. There’s no end. And what is the reason? Many. Different man, different reason.

Purpose. Everything lies on the other, and the other lies on the other others, and the list continues. A flower might grow for the bees to collect honey for human. Human get the nutrition, they live; some are gardening, grow the flowers. Oh, sound like a purpose. Yet it’s a lot more than this, it ain’t a simple cycle like this, the chains are more complex.

I wish I would know mine. I wish I could write more about this. I just couldn’t. Not because I am not sure of what I am gonna write, I just don’t wanna confuse anyone. Everybody deserves to have their own purpose, and deserve to be purposeless if they wish. This is pointless. I just need to have this note to help me reminisce later with what I deserve at this point of time. May I will not have Alzheimer so this note will kick something in my mind.

Just watched 50/50, I wish all people and me will not have to have cancers, or any kind of terminal illnesses, or any illnesses, or accidents. I just can’t figure out how to be strong enough. 

‎February ‎25, ‎2013, ‏‎1:31:58 AM

Feb 15, 2013

|| Timeless Tide ||

photo courtesy : http://www.photobotos.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/The-Parting.jpg
Time flies.

Kita mula terpisah dengan masa lalu pada setiap detik masa bergerak. Kita semakin jauh dengan setiap apa yang pernah kita lalui, setiap insan yang pernah kita kenal.

Most of the time, we’ll say “till we meet again” in our goodbyes, to ease the parting but we never realize that we are parting with the moments, and whatever connections we established before, it is vanishing into the cosmos. These aren’t words of hopeless life. These are the truth; which may sound hopeless.

Kita wujud dalam masa sekarang; bukan yang lepas, bukan yang akan datang. Kita cuma wujud sekarang, kerana kita yang lepas adalah kita sekarang pada masa lepas dan kita yang akan datang adalah kita  sekarang pada masa akan datang. Berselirat. Cuma itu hakikat.

We leave home; we never come back as ourselves as before we left. I never have my mom tie my shoes, never wake any of my sisters at midnight for toilet anymore after I left home. We leave teen life, we never have any soul as free, as curious as we had in this life. Ain’t no Peklah to wait and be waited every morning, no more urges and agitations of new day after holiday. And so on. They are all our past, they don’t exist now.

Masa yang sudah disudahkan itu hanya wujud sebab kita punya memori, seni Tuhan yang susah kita fahami. Kalau seni itu tidak wujud, kita tinggal kita sekarang. Sebab seni itu juga kita punya harapan, kita sangka kita tidak tinggalkan semua. Semuanya ibarat sementara. Kita punya akses ke masa yang kita tinggalkan.

But the truth is? None of them are happening again. I see myself leaving those days without proper goodbyes. I embraced the parting without realizing that am losing all the moments. It flies with time; a technical calculation of memories. I left home knowing that am parting with my family, but blinded with the fact that am no longer a kid. I left school with a super sad emotions, cried a river seeing my friends leaving the gate, but the memoirs stopped before I write the facts that the gate was also the separation line of myself with my most lovely soul. And again, so on. Because , nothing lasts, every time we walk out a door, everything is gonna change, and it won’t change back. Not the way it is now. Yes, at least.

Semua ini berbaur hampa dan tengik. Tetapi sebenarnya itulah yang membuat kehidupan manusia indah. Hidup dengan harapan palsu, akses memori yang perit bila dibuka, cuma wujud dalam imaginasi masa sekarang. Kerana masa lepas tidak wujud dan tidak boleh diakses lagi., penuhkan masa sekarang sepenuhnya, bina setiap apa yang kita impikan, supaya bila masa sekarang ini menjadi masa lepas pada masa akan datang, tidak ada apa-apa mahu kita akses kembali; kerana kita tidak sesalkan apa-apa dan kerana di waktu sekarang pada masa akan datang itu, kita layarkan masa itu sepenuhnya juga..

And not to forget: to say a proper goodbye when it past; by appreciating those moments before it diffuse into the air and vanish into the loops of time in the sometimes-hopeless memory. To cherish every moments, to embrace every now.
Feb 14, 3:23am

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